Bizarre blog comments

I've deleted a couple of choice comments to avoid wrecking the threads, but they're just too wacky not to share. Full details after the jump.

On Hillary withdrawal:

Hillary Huckabee will never drop out. She will filibuster the vote at the convention. She will cut off the electricity to the convention hall. She will fake a heart attack. She will take Chairwoman Pelosi hostage. She will take Sen. Obama hostage. She will go to court to enjoin the convention and have the primaries declared unconstitutional. She will continue to throw the kitchen sink and scorch the earth. She will cry. She will throw tantrums. She will tell more lies. She will cut off the hands of the ballot counters. She will crown herself with the crown of Charlemagne. But Hillary Huckabee will never drop out. A monster indeed.

On ... I don't know what:

So GOP Surrealists are imagining that there’s good news from Iraq concerning Cheney’s intestinal problems, er, the surge, and that they’ve undoubtedly hatched a scheme whereby they can free themselves from the evils of the Constitution, escaping so they can all sit back on their laurels and make slop buckets full of cash whilst falling into a heap of their own drool on some “coffeehouse” counter in Amsterdam before their pointy-pointy heads are whistled for a double dribble penalty as they hit the ground, or from their pseudo-religious objective point of view, as the ground rises to greet them. Copious amounts? Wee dram after wee gram? Dancing potatoes everywhere? And don’t forget: They put chemicals on the “stuff” there, too! But it’s all hope and projection, based on a history of bad upbringing, ulterior motives of fellow siblings, poor stimulus retention due to gazing at penguin attired “lay” persons for eight of the most important formative years, abandonment in a town named after the Mexican word for a pass in the hills, and several ill-advised experiments with herbal extracts and tinctures of pineal glands obtained through illegitimate means trampling beyond the bounds of good taste and legality. Hey! Don’t stop me, I’m rolling with this! Wherever known reality stops for conservatives, where they touch the unknown (in the biblical sense), there they project an archetypal image, simultaneously puzzling over why their hands smell like rubber. Wait a second, how about Animus, considered to be that natural and primitive part of the mind's activity and processes remaining after dispensing with a "second self" created by Republican candidate or devil and through whom the narrative is related, which is the mask displayed in interactions with others and which has been shaped by socialization and indifferent promiscuity in local airport restrooms. Freud often described the functioning of psychosexual energies in mechanical terms, influenced perhaps by the dominance of the steam engine at the end of the 19th century, entering a tunnel of course. In this manner, he also tended to think of the libido as a producer of energies, and a main cause of future troubles for persons f alling out of favor with “lay” “members” of the clergy or nuns. Hell, maybe I’m just blowing smoke up my frame of reference, or as Joey Rico used to say, a tendency of an organism to revert to instinctive behaviors that can interfere with the conditioned response.

Dancing potatoes?

Comments

[willie]

That's what you get when you get linked to from Ambinder...

[Seth]

I really love the fake a heart attack idea. I can totally see her grabbing her chest and shouting "I'm comin' Elizabeth".